Katelyn's Story
As told by her mother Jade on Katelyn's 3rd Birthday.
No words could possibly express what was going
through my mind 3 years ago. I'll never forget the
combination of emotions... nausea, anxiety, fear &overwhelming joy. I was 19, my first baby, a beautiful little girl named Katelyn (Kate after her daddy's first pet, a springer spaniel & lyn after her aunt Lynne) was born at 10:01 AM on October 5, 2004. It took her a few minutes but she was breathing, crying & even peeing on the nurse. She was alive. My doctor told me she only had a 10% chance of being born alive.... 10% was on our side. He also told me to plan for a funeral, I
did, praying that I wouldn't have to go through with it. I was told that even if she was born alive, it would be a miracle in itself for her to make it
through surgery, and if she did make it through
surgery, she would be a "paralyzed vegetable".
Again,I prayed that he was wrong. I listened to my newborn cry as tears fell down my cheeks. I couldn't see her, there was a big blue curtain blocking my view. It seemed like an eternity, but they finally brought her to the table to be cleaned. Her face was so beautiful that I barely noticed the 3 pound tumor coming from her backside. Before I knew it the Neonatologist took her away. My Doctor yelled at him to come back & told him that I needed to see my baby. He brought her next
to me. I begged him to let me hold her. He told me no.
I grabbed ahold of her tiny hand then he walked
away as I was trying to not let go. I wondered if that was going to be the last time I ever saw her alive.They moved me into observation within the hour. I asked every 2 to 5 minutes if I could see Katelyn.Finally the nurse called. I could over hear her say "Is baby ready yet? Mom is driving us crazy down here." With that, I was moved bed & all into the NICU. I remember her being covered with an adult sized green hospital blanket. I reached out my hand to touch her head but
she was just out of my reach. I wanted to hold her so bad... I wanted to tell her not to leave... to
> stay because I needed her more than she could possibly ever need me. They started to wheel me out & she started crying. I lost it, I knew she was in pain. I was crying so hard that I was vomiting again. They wouldn't let me back in the NICU for another 10 hours. That time I was in a wheel chair. My nurse brought me down. She put me right next to Katelyn's bed. Finally I could touch her atleast. I had been waiting for 8 months and here she was. I put the side to her bed down & layed my head down next to her. It was late at
night & the nurses were pretty laid back. I remember the way she smelled & how soft her skin was. I soaked in every bit I could because I wanted to rememberforever incase God decided that she ws going to be with Him instead. I fell asleep there with her...my hand on her chest. I could feel her breathe, it was wonderful. I slept for 2 hours before her nurse said I should go back.... that tomorrow was going to be a hard day and that I needed to rest now. I hated leaving her, but I went to my room & slept for 5 hours before I was back again. In the morning Dan was there
> > with her, her nurse was holding her. I was so jealous,it seemed that everyone could hold her but me. The nurse said "I'm so sorry... I want to put her where your heart is, but they won't let me." The Doctor's were afraid of the teratoma ripping open. I needed
> to hold my baby alive. I just didn't know if that was going to happen. Dan brought me back to the room.They were going to be getting Katelyn ready for surgery soon. I told Daniel to leave me alone... that I didn't want to talk to anyone. I told him to come back after she had been in surgery for an hour. Her nurse called & asked if I wanted to tell Katelyn goodbye. I saidno. She sounded suprised. I felt if I said goodbye that she wouldn't come back. Dr. Connors came to my room & asked if I had any requests for her surgery. I asked him to put a blood line incase of hemmoraging & told him to not let any med students touch her. I didn't care if they watched but they had to stay back. He was scared. He admited it. I felt bad & good about that. Bad because I knew he had resected quite a few of these teratomas, and if he was scared then I knew hers was dangerous. Good, because I knew he wasn'tcocky & didn't play God. He left, and somehow I fell asleep. I woke up, screaming. I was a mess,screaming at God. I told him that he can't take her. I begged him to let her stay. I needed her. I cried alone in myroom for a while after that. Soon Dan's brother came into the room. He asked where everyone was. I looked at the clock & said that Dan would be up in a minute.
Katelyn,age 2 years
Sure enough, he came & took me down to the waiting
room. His family worked on a puzzle, I watched the
clock. I watched different surgeons come & go. I
watched one throw his hat onto the floor & take a
family out of the room. I was glad he didn't come to
me, but sad for them. A few hours passed by and no
news. That made me feel better because I knew that no
news was good news... the longer that she was in
there, the more likely she was still doing OK.
Finally, I saw Dr. Connors walk through the doorway. I
watched his face, searched his eyes for any sign of emotion. He showed none. He took the chair infront of me & pulled in close. His hands were on his knees & he leaned in, his face very close to mine. He said very quietly to me "she's alive". I wanted to kiss him! I said "THANK GOD!" he then continued "but, she lost a
lot of blood. She's not safe yet." I KNEW the hardest part was over. So much pain in my heart had been lifted. I asked where she was, he told me that she was
on her way back to the NICU & that it would be a few minutes before I could see her. I grabbed his hands & told him thank you. Those words will never be enough.I made my way back to the NICU. I remember seeing her
& yelling "Oh my God! She looks so good! Oh my God!"
In all reality, she wasn't looking good. She was
intubated & under more tubes & wires than what I could count. Despite loosing more blood than what was in her body, she was alive... and to me, that looked pretty
damn good. Three years later, I have an incredible toddler. She's dramatic, bossy, so loving... she's normal, smart, & now a big sister to a healthy baby
boy, Jacob. She runs, plays, has friends, loves books,dolls, blues clues, princess aurora.... Today, like everyday is a miracle. Today, she is Three.
Just a note... I later found out that she didn't do so
well in the operating room... at about the time I woke
up in a mess, she was fighting for her life. After
that moment, I now know I can never deny the miracles
God performs, and I am so thankful.
